Yes, you've got some pretty decent hair plaits and an impressive celtic tattoo - but surely you could be a lot more Norse in several key areas? If you’ve watched our cavorting, conquering, shield brandishing Vikings in action and thought ‘I fancy a bit of that’ then you are in luck! Here are just a few handy tips and ideas to inject some essential Norseman (and woman) traits into your day to day life.
BELLOWING
If there’s one thing we know and respect about Vikings, it’s that they loved to bellow. Why talk in a completely rational, uncomplicated manner when you can shout gutturally at the top of your lungs? So, in future, to up your viking quotient, pick two or three choice phrases or comments to bellow each day such as ‘TWO SUGARS PLEASE!’, ‘I THINK YOU LEFT THEM ON THE OTTOMAN’ or ‘IS THIS THE WAY TO THE TOILET?’.
RAIDING
In terms of work/life balance, most of our Viking friends’ time appeared to be spent attacking unsuspecting villages or monasteries and joyfully stealing the contents within. Certainly we would never encourage or condone any lawbreaking, but if someone has left an undefended Muller Fruit Corner in the communal fridge… well I think you can work out the rest. And don’t forget to bellow while doing it.
INVADING
Do you work in some sort of office-based environment? Well done! While we don’t expect you to conquer whole nations as the Vikings did, slowly edging your stapler or packed lunch into your neighbour’s desk area is a satisfying way to grab some much needed territory. Not office based? Not to worry! Just gradually move your fence or privet a few inches into next door’s garden every weekend as an effective way to subtly invade.
WEARING A FUR JERKIN
We’ve noticed that Vikings have a penchant for sleeveless fur garments as the perfect accompaniment to general raiding and invading. Which sounds like an excellent fashion choice to us. Though we would never wish to harm any sort of fluffy little critters, so simply pick up a fake fur jacket from your local fake fur outlet, hack off the sleeves and voila! One Viking style fur jerkin. Use the discarded sleeves for some rather spiffy furry leg warmers. Ragnar would be proud!
GRABBING ROASTED MEATS WITH BOTH HANDS
Every time you see a Viking, there’s a really good chance that they will have a handful of roasted meat in their mitts which they will then devour with gusto while laughing uproariously. We don’t know why they did it, we just know that they did it all the time. So, during meal times, zero in on the meat portion of a Sunday roast or sandwich filling, grab it lustily and shove the meat towards your face with glee. Though please make sure any meats are of a grazable temperature before proceeding.
PET VIKING FUNERALS
Obviously historical research has concluded that Vikings rarely set their dead adrift on fiery boats. But historical research tends to be a great big spoilsport (we were quite partial to horned helmets as well). So when your beloved goldfish, Ingebor, pops his clogs (or fins) head to the nearest pond, boating lake or mid-sized body of water, fashion a boat from one of those things that hot croissants from Pret come in, invest in some budget firelighters and give him the Viking send off he so richly deserves.
